5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship (That Most Couples Overlook)
Every couple hits moments where communication breaks down, emotions run high, or you feel stuck in the same argument again. Even strong, loving relationships go through seasons of distance or misunderstanding. The good news? Small, intentional changes can make a big difference, and they don’t require overhauling your whole relationship.
Here are five simple, practical tips I share often with couples I work with, grounded in attachment theory, nervous system awareness, and a whole lot of compassion.
1. Slow Down Before You Respond
Your nervous system decides faster than your mouth does. When conflict hits, your brain likely goes into protection mode, meaning fight, flight, freeze, or shut down. That’s why you may find yourself snapping, shutting down, withdrawing, or saying things you later regret.
Before you respond, pause for 5–10 seconds.
Take one deep breath. Put a hand on your chest. Unclench your jaw. This tiny moment:
brings your nervous system back online
prevents emotional overwhelm
helps you respond instead of react
Connection starts when safety starts.
2. Use “Curious Questions” Instead of “Why Questions”
“Why” tends to open the courtroom. Curiosity opens the heart. When you ask your partner “Why did you do that?” they usually hear: “Defend yourself.”
Try shifting to curious questions instead:
“Can you help me understand what was happening for you right then?”
“What were you needing in that moment?”
“What felt hard or overwhelming?”
Curiosity makes it easier for your partner to open up and for you to actually hear them.
3. Repair the Moment… Even If You’re Not Ready for a Full Resolution
Repairs matter more than being right. Most couples think successful communication means solving the whole argument. But actually, what strengthens a relationship is repair, the little ways you say:
“I care about you.”
“I’m still here.”
“We’ll get through this.”
Examples of easy repairs:
“Hey, I don’t want us to keep spiraling. Can we take a break?”
“I love you. I want to talk about this when we’re calmer.”
“That came out sharper than I meant. Can I try again?”
Repairs build emotional safety, which makes real resolution possible later.
4. Share the Vulnerable Version, Not the Protective One
The protective voice argues. The vulnerable voice connects. We all have protective parts (the part that criticizes, withdraws, gets sarcastic, or shuts down). That part learned to keep you safe.
But underneath it is something more vulnerable:
“I felt ignored.”
“I felt rejected.”
“I’m scared you’re pulling away.”
“I’m worried I’m not enough.”
When you share the vulnerable truth, your partner can finally see you and respond with care. It takes courage, and it’s hard! BUT, and it’s a big but, it creates intimacy.
5. Make Space for Connection Outside of Conflict
Tiny moments count more than big gestures. Most couples try to fix their relationship during conflict, which is the hardest time to build connection.
Instead, look for small ways to reconnect during ordinary life:
A 10-minute walk together
Putting your phones away while eating
Sharing a funny video you know the other person would love
A hand squeeze in passing
Saying “I’m grateful for you” once a day
These little moments soften your hearts and make the big moments easier to navigate.
You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out
Every relationship goes through rough patches. Every couple falls into patterns that feel frustrating or confusing. And none of that means you’re broken or failing. Sometimes patterns run deeper than skills alone can fix because they’re tied to old wounds, survival strategies, or attachment needs that weren’t met in the past.
That’s where therapy can help. In couples therapy, we slow everything down, understand the deeper dynamics, and rebuild connection from the inside out. If you’re tired of having the same arguments or feeling alone in your relationship, I’d be honored to help you both find your way forward.
